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Cybersex is a woman's world, didn't you know?

most common questions in my e-mail is some variation on this: "How do I find women to have cybersex with? People still seem to believe the internet is full of millions of lonely, socially inept dweebs desperately masturbating with other lonely, socially inept dweebs pretending to be porn stars. Few writers bother to look beyond the fear to find other stories about sex in virtual spaces.

And what television news program wants to report on normal people having a great time visiting and flirting and possibly sharing orgasms – normal people who then log off and go about the rest of their normal lives?

You're banned for 24 hours, but anyone willing to respect the community standards is welcome to try again."I got bounced out of a room my first day because I didn't know what 'directing' was," Kirk says, laughing.

"If you ask somebody to do something on their cam, boom, you're out.

The draw now is the community itself, the relationships he has formed over time."I like coming home and chatting with people," he says.

"Often the conversation in the room is pretty superficial, but talking behind the scenes in IM can get more substantive."He does admit to the occasional "wank session," though.

It's true that cybersex is not for everybody, and it can be emotionally dangerous even if you're not in a committed offline relationship and risking infidelity.

Some cyber partners even end up leaving the virtual space to get married. But it still irks me that it's such a shock when I explain that having sex online does not mean it's your last resort.

And then you go through a lull when someone leaves, or the woman who is the focus of the most attention will leave, and everyone else starts to cam off and leave too."Kirk can't believe how many men – still – expect instant gratification.

"They say 'hey I like your cam, you wanna go private?

And if you're not willing to make the investment, go to a cam-girl site and pay to play instead.

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